The talk of Government incompetence and indifference to the needy and the evidence of a right-wing surge helped to light Greenslade's fuse and he took off about the state of the world economy. "The recession after the crash in 2008 was man-made. No need for it. All the fuckers had to do was roll the printing presses. MMT. It's the new kid on the block."

 

The others were discussing old times. "Remember the car in Athlone or Mullingar?" asked Edwards. O'Donnell laughed. "That was O'Neill, Marsh, Ructions and meself."

 

"What's MMT?" asked O'Connor from his wheelchair. He was trying to take in both conversations.

 

"We were in the town just looking at something. You know there was this little fucking thing that needed a bit of looking at. A bit of attention if you like and maybe a bit of sorting out. It might be a big thing or a little thing, who could tell, other than it needed to be put right if it had gone wrong. And if it was wrong well the amount of wrong would have to be taken into consideration and a decision would have to be made, a joint decision. Hard to say now because we didn't find anything." said O’Donnell.

 

"Didn't find anything wrong?" asked O'Connor jerking his head around.

 

"Didn't find anything at all. Neither right nor wrong. Sweet fuck all of what we were looking for but we did find something else. Well, Marsh found something else......."

 

"MMT is monetary something theory. It's not what it is that matters, it's what it fucking does," continued Greenslade. "You see when a state has control of its own currency it can never go broke like a household can. But they keep that little trick to themselves so that they can have austerity for the poor while they print money for the rich and the more it prints the bigger inequality grows. Just imagine that right now in the richest country in the world there are over 40 million people living in poverty in the great old USA. Their own figures mind and not fucking counting the 2 million in prison who are used as a form of slave labour. This is the fucking system of financial capitalism that they, Trump or Obama before him for they are all the fucking same, demand that we pay homage to or risk a missile up the arse. Actually, I heard someone describe Obama as America's Tony Blair which I thought was very apt and he proved himself to be as much a military adventurer as Bush before him......."

 

"Look at that fucker, said Marsh about this oulfella in a brown coat and cap sort of uniform. First time I'd seen one of them. He's putting a ticket on our car. He's a parking attendant with a face that suggests creeping madness, laughed O'Neill, that's his job poxy as it may be. O'Neill said they had them in Cork. So what Tommy? It's not our car, in fact, we don't know who the owner is as we took it at a late hour when the owner may have been distracted while having it away with his missus though there may have been coitus interruptus when he heard the sound of his fucking engine roaring into life in his driveway. That's not the point insisted a furious Marsh, its our fucken jammer for the moment and this fucker thinks he can march up like an English Sergeant Major and just...Forget it Tommy sure he can put the whole fucking book of tickets on it if that gives him the horn.....but yis know yourselves once Marsh got a bee under his bonnet... Don't be fucking talking..... Exactly! So he runs up to yer man.....shouting...."

 

"Oh, they're all the fucking same alright. That's for sure. Don't mind the small detail. Dems and Republicans just like Fianna Fail and Fine Gael. Badmouthing one another but if you've noticed since Trump came into power the Dems have never refused any amount of money for so-called defence. That is a weasel word for allowing the bombing to bits of other countries who are no threat to the Yanks. You know take Korea in the 1950s.  And how could they when Obama has waged war in Libya and Syria," agreed Edwards......He could have printed money to beat the fucking barney and divie it around, insisted Greenslade, but no, it’s techno-fucking feudalism they have going for themselves now so they give it to the rich where its used to play around on the stock exchange which should be fucking abolished because the cash is not going to create jobs which would give employment, said Long. Fully agree Colm, it has no reflection on what's going on in the real economy where real people scrape out....."

 

O’Donnell continued the parking attendant story." Hey, sunfuckingshine! Marsh shouted pulling the trilby down almost over his eyes, what the fuck are you up to? This car is illegally parked said onion- head, in an attempt at an authoritative tone but which had heather and bog plastered all over it. Further, the reg on the tax disc is different to the license plate. Variety, the spice of life said O'Neill as he slipped into the driver's seat. Isn't that extraordinary, its different really! agreed Marsh. He opened the passenger door,  removed the tax disc, snatched the fella's pen and scribbled KZD 772 on the disc. Now it matches so you can fuck off and shove your ticket up yer wife's arse ...or it may have been hole...maybe even arsehole. Tommy wasn’t one for cutting corners ."

 

"Well they can't keep printing forever, can they? asked a voice. Well nothing lasts forever but as long as they can back it up with Government bonds who knows how long they can work the Ponzi scheme because that is all it fucking is anyway and if anyone tells you that they know what they're doing, they're fucking liars and the religious ones are praying to Saint Jude but they have a safety valve for an emergency.”

 

“ Like what?” asked Miss Reid. WAR! War is the safety valve. They are always preparing for war as well as praying to Saint Jude. They can give any amount of dollars to the Pentagon which keeps no books and no accounts. War to grab other country's resources, especially their oil or war to avoid a crisis in their own country. Like you often hear of people referring to the first World War as starting over the oul Archduke getting a bullet up his big fat arse in Sarajevo. That's a joke. The Brits were planning that war from as far back as 1904 because they didn't want the Germans to succeed with their navy. You'll get all that in detail in the book by Eamon Dyas and many others.

 

"The ticket tout was going balubas especially when Tommy grabbed his book. He went to run to wherever the nearest cop shop was. Hold it Marsh shouted and I let this Belfast man 'Kneecap Gerry' get a good look at yer mouldy mush for future reference. He's pulling at Ructions who was born in the Carlow area, quite a bit away from a Belfast accent and Ructions aka Kneecap Gerry is trying to hide his face or what remained visible within his scraggly hair and beard.

 

“What about you Simon?” asked Moore.

 

“Ah sure I was on the run then and wearing a wig and specs and according to Bob Bradshaw looking like a Trinity College empire shit, it didn't matter him seeing me at all. Tell him Marsh was shouting at Ructions. Kneecap Gerry, he was calling him, tell the fucker what'll happen to him if we get him to Belfast. Remember at this stage Belfast was burning, people down here were nearly ready to run when they'd hear a Belfast accent across the road...."

 

"Violence is never off the Yank's agenda," Greenslade ranted on. "Carpet bombing of countries that are no threat like Korea, Vietnam, Cambodia, Serbia, Iraq, Libya, Syria..."All that was after dropping atomic bombs on two defenceless cities whose citizens who were completely unarmed were fucking vaporized.” 

 

Other voices joined in. “Regime change like Iran in the fifties, Chile, Ukraine,"  "And always helped by the Brits, the French, the Aussies, the Canadians," "That's right, it's like a sort of imperial inheritance, a historical entitlement." "And all these fucking wars and invasions and genocides and economic sanctions are supported by the Press." "Of course, don't they own the fucking arsewipes and the so-called journalists who are nothing more than paid mouthpieces." "The one thing Trump is correct about is that the American mainstream news is not news. Its propaganda and the news bits in it are completely fake." "They're a part of the whole machinery of rob, plunder and privatization." "Rob, plunder and privatization is their alma mater." "And now the social media is exposing them and they're doing their best to censor that, using excuses like porn and...." "And some fucking eejits on the left cheering on big tech to ban conservative views when they should know that banning anyone is how you get around to banning everyone." "Dead fucking right."

 

"Ructions had his shovel-like hand in front of his face. Tell the fucker, ordered Marsh. I got a fit of laughing. Aulrah, ollad waaaarkinach oorrkk, Ructions gasped, sounding like something was trying to strangle him by starting on the insides of his balls. Hear that yeh cunt, Marsh shouted at the confused and bewildered car park attendant as he tore the book to shreds and littered the main street with the pages which blew after the running figure. You should have held that book, said O'Neill as we drove away, we could have put tickets on the branch cars in the Castle Yard! The fuckers are always illegally double parked."

 

"All this fucking privatization for profit," groaned Long as O'Connor, bowled over by the power of Greenslade's logic, threw all caution to the winds and called for a drink for the whole group.

 

"The planet is fucked unless society replaces production for profit with production for need and abolishes built-in obsolescence," declared Edwards.

 

"And the same for housing," added O'Doherty. "An end to vulture funds and a law banning the purchase of residential property to rent."

 

"Not allowed in Germany for residential," explained Davis. "So the scruff bag Blueshirts who brought them in here can easily stop them and allow houses that were built for social housing to be used as that and not whipped up en mass by these fucks who then rent them back to the council at exorbitant rates..."

 

"I'd support a pick and shovel job for a watertight amendment in the Constitution," announced Edwards. "That way it wouldn't be easy if you had a similar shower of shits as we have now in the government of reversing legislation without going to the people."

 

"Bang on Joe. And there's no fucking need for a hundred different kinds of cookers or fridges or cars...." said Long.

 

"Cutting back on all that will mean a lot less work," O'Connor calculated.

 

"Exactly," agreed O'Donnell. "Then maybe we can get around to the twenty-hour working week that I was calling for in letters published in the Irish Times in the late seventies, and that's a fucking long time ago."

 

Redican raised a hand in mock homage. "The paper of Empire,"

 

At the far end of the bar, there was a commotion and raised voices. "What's the matter?" enquired the always concerning Moore.

 

"Just some oul codger went arse over bollocks in the toilet," said Grant as he pushed past.

 

Moore shook her head in disgust.

 

"What does anybody make of the talk about this Border poll?" Davis asked as a semblance of order imposed itself.

 

"It took a thirty-year War by the Provisionals to get there," said Greenslade.

 

"And that's why there's plenty of wankers in the Dail who would like to fuck it up while pretending otherwise," said O'Connor. "They would like to change the simple majority vote as agreed in the Good Friday Agreement as not being sufficient to change the Constitutional position of the North."

 

Redican shook his head, "There's no fucking way they can change the GFA much as they might like to. They're the Redmondite Catholic unionists hiding behind their Poppies who call the War the 'Troubles' and call the IRA 'terrorists' not combatants. These were the same crackpot sycophants who set out to erect the Wall of Shame in Glasnevin with Pearse and Connolly's names interspersed among the names of the Black and Tans who were sent to murder them and who pay themselves ass-choking wads of money from our taxes for the privilege of trying to turn us into a race of cringing Anglo cocksuckers. These hold that a unitary Irish state would not only be unattractive to Unionists but also to some voters in the Republic because it would mean accepting changes to some of the institutions that they hold sacrosanct. Scare fucking tactics!"

 

"The whole idea of this cocksucking venture by these Dail éminences grises was to make the 1916 Rising appear as a national tragedy like the night of the big wind when it was a heroic event which subsequently inspired people all over the world to take up arms against imperialism," said O'Donnell.

 

"The cocksuckers want to sully the sacrifice of our patriot dead and some of the poor fuckers thinking that in WW1 they were fighting for the freedom of little Catholic Belgium," agreed Long. "but the cocksucker Chamberlin in a fit of madness told the truth about his robber nation when he said 'we should be wrong if we thought we are merely embarking in a chivalrous crusade on behalf of another nation, without our interests being engaged...it is not for Belgium's said the cocksucker...."

 

"Please, could we ease up on that term," appealed Moore.

 

"What term?" asked Miss Reid.

 

"Cocksucker," explained Collins. "Sorry, Peggy. But the Brits didn't roll out the red carpet to all the volunteers who foolishly joined to fight the Germans in WW1 you know. In fact in 'Worthless Men' a fellow called Gerard Oram quite persuasively argued that Irish soldiers were more likely than any other national group to be condemned to death by field general courts-martial. The Brits," he said in a grave voice, "were actually using the execution of Irish volunteer soldiers to put the wind up their own soldiers. Something like 306 Irish volunteers executed."

 

This news was greeted with a communal "Fuck me!!"

 

"But there's no need to put the names of the dead British fucks who were sent over here to kill us. No need at all because they have already been commemorated by the British Imperial War Graves Commission...what was that?"

 

"Some besotted dropped his pint, continue Eddie while we're in thrall of your Derry drawl," Miss Reid urged.

 

"Yeah, well if these serial name droppers can't be cured of their British cap doffing syndrome they should be sent out beyond the Western Front to Africa and the Middle East..."

 

"At least it'ed be warm there unlike here," said Ritchie.

 

"These men have fallen in the same wars as the white British soldier invaders who they were fighting alongside but unlike the white British murderers and robbers these men were denied the dignity of a marked grave and these poor fuckers probably didn't know whether they were doing right or wrong."

 

"Shouts of shame, shame!."

 

 

"Yes, because these warriors would not have heard of the Magna Cartha or being taught about Habeas Corpus or Certiorari or what the fuck," declared O'Donnell.

 

"These men got their names on no walls, in fact, they were left in unmarked graves and mass graves on the edges of forgotten battlefields. These subjects of the British empire were treated in death as they were in life, fucking second-class subjects of a crappy racialised empire run by a bunch of amoral motherfucking toffs. Well over there," continued Collins, "there is the remains of 100,000 black and brown men, most of whom were fucking conscripted into the British Army and fought, laboured and died for the British Empire. These historical gymnasts avoiding work in Leinster House could spend the rest of their pathetic lives hacking out names on tombstones all over the Middle East."

 

"And before the Wall of Shame you know the Blueshirts’ plan for the 1916 commemoration was?" said Redican.

 

"What?"

 

"The craven psychopathic cunts, sorry Peggy, were hoping to get Buckingham Lizzy over and Bono to do some trick and they were not even going to have the names of the executed leaders mentioned. Fancy any country being run by a crowd of supine turds like that?"

 

"Fuck me. That's spooky," crooned MacMahon.

 

"Yeah. They wanted to disappear the idea of a nation being sovereign because it doesn't suit their economic desire to pawn anything belonging to the Irish people to anyone...."

 

"They need to ingratiate themselves with the international shakedowners," added O'Donnell.

 

"And give a leg-up to the destitute billionaires," O'Doherty remarked.

 

"Yes and the only reason that they abandoned this horror show was because in 2015, Sinn Fein decided to commemorate the 100th anniversary of the 1915 Pearse oration at the graveside of O'Donovan Rossa."

 

"That was some commemoration Noel," acknowledged Casey.

 

"It was and not a cocksucker, sorry Peggy, to be seen. What a crowd of despicable creeps!" muttered Collins in disgust.

 

"They were probably busy reading their signed copies of The Extraordinary and Outrageous Generosity of Winston Churchill by Winston Churchill," suggested MacMahon with a winsome smile as Collins passed drinks precariously over people's heads without a drop shampooing a bald head.

 

"And the entire mainstream freedom of speech and news misfits censored it but social media covered the whole pageant for anyone to see. It was the thousands, as big as the water marches which turned up for that which scared the shite out of the mealy-mouthed Blueshirt Dail dribblers and forced them to troop up to a sort of 1916 commemoration the following Easter looking like they had pokers up their ultra conciliatory arses." continued Redican.

 

"Yeah. One of those hornless manipulators suggested Northern Ireland as a unitary state, a sort of self-contained entity which respected both traditions. A kind of lepers' colony," laughed Long. "And another demented queen's arse licker was crying out for a celebration for the RIC murderers, actually in his hysterical rant he was calling the IRA freedom fighters murderers."

 

O'Connor was cautious. "Sinn Féin would want to expand the debate along socialist lines and avoid being seen as a middle-of-the-road nationalist party like the jiggers of the present Fianna Fail set-up. They need to push egalitarian policies to demonstrate that a New Ireland will be one which will reassure Unionists that they won't be discriminated against like the Catholics were in the old Unionist State."

 

"Well what we know at the moment is they won't come beseeching or bowing or scraping or imploring on bended knee for Mary Lou to present on a vellum-bound tome the referendum date," said McMahon.

 

"No they won't," agreed Davis, "and especially now that you could say that the Peace is sectarian while the War was not."

 

"That's right," O'Donnell chipped in, "the War did not involve a battle between sectarian communities; it was a War fought against the State by one community because it was excluded from the political democracy of the state."

 

"Actually you could deduce," surmised Greenslade, "that both communities were denied participation in the political life of the state because the state they were in was a pseudo-state which left them with no state power. The Protestants who wanted to be governed as an integral part of the British state by the Government of that state were instead left to run the pseudo-state of Northern Ireland whose reasons Westminster had for setting it up had fuck all to do with democratic Government of the Six Counties and the Catholic community, for the most part, identified with the Irish state. Do I make sense?"

 

"Nearly as much sense as you do with economics," droned Edwards.

 

"The one thing that can be said about the state that was set up by the British in 1921 is that it was undemocratic from the beginning and resisted any attempt to change its sectarianism by peaceful means," said Long. "And it was that pseudo-state that was responsible for the sectarian condition of public life in Northern Ireland."

 

"And when the Provisional IRA declared war on that state it did not target Ulster Protestants but it was condemned by both the Westminster Government and the lapdogs in the Dail as involved in a sectarian campaign. Its volunteers were called terrorists and its POW’s considered common criminals,"  said MacMahon.

 

"Yes, that was to keep up the pretence that there was a Northern Ireland community, a Northern Ireland body politic and a Northern Ireland democracy but when the Government of this clapped out Six County pseudo-state abolished the principle of majority rule the pretence was dropped and it was acknowledged that there were two distinct body politics with different national and state allegiances and that the difference was not merely about how the state should be governed but was about which state the region should be in," declared O'Doherty.

 

"Yes, I read in Aubane, the Irish Political Review," said Casey, "that the system set up in 1998 to establish sectarian peacefulness would not work if Northern Ireland was a state. That it's not now a state or never was. The state is the United Kingdom and the democratically elected Government is the Whitehall Government."

 

"I agreed," said Long. "The role Sinn Féin has cut out for itself, unlike all the other major political parties on the island, goes beyond hunkering down in cushy jobs until retirement beckons. And its leadership has made it clear that its purpose is to use its power to bring about a United Ireland."

 

“The anniversary of the so-called Treaty talks is very soon now, said Long.

 

“Ernie has the inside story on that from one of his Tipperary agents,” said O’Donnell.

 

“Really! Givus the story Ernie, we implore you.” Moore demanded.

 

“I’ll do me best with what I can remember of it, for it was in the Glen of Aherlow I got the jist of it from this woman who was a friend of me mother and who was one of the women secretaries on the mission.....”

 

Bates took a long slug from his pint as cheers rose from the tipsy audience. He was then helped up on a chair.

 

“We need to consider the Welsh wizard Lloyd George to set the scene properly. Well, George was shitting himself.....”

 

“That’s a promising start,” a voice muttered.

 

“about the Irish situation because his coalition government needed the support of the Conservative party and he knew that the English electorate would find it hard to support another violent attempt to subdue Ireland as was called for by the likes of fucky the ninth Sir Henry Wilson chief of the British Imperial Staff who was quoted as saying....’Unless we crush the murder gangs this summer .....we lose Ireland and the empire.’ so George thought that it would be a good idea if he had a chat with Dev as that was less incendiary to the English hard-liners than meeting the likes of Collins. Overtures had already been made to Dev on behalf of George by General Jan Smuts the South African prime minister. After other contacts through secret emissaries and a conciliatory bit of bladder by King George, the fifth at the inauguration in Belfast of the Northern Ireland Parliament in June a truce was called. Arthur Griffith and other prominent Sinn Fein prisoners were released and talks began in London on July  14.

 

“Those first talks with Dev involved didn’t go well. George was flummoxed and flustered...”

 

“Bewildered and befuddled. Up Dev!” a voice shouted.

 

“Fuck Dev,” yelled others.

 

“One voice please,” appealed Redican. “Continue Ernie.”

 

“Well, George couldn’t get a handle on Dev’s mind at all saying that negotiating with him was like trying to pick up mercury with a fork. Dev was supposed to have said why can’t he use a spoon.”

 

“That’s it Ernie, a spoonful of mercury would sit well in Georgie’s belly,” suggested Edwards.

 

“Be too good for him,” remarked Bates, “not surprisingly both pissed one another off. During the talks, George began making asides in Welsh to his secretary Tom Jones and likewise, Dev responded by talking in Irish to his party.”

 

“While these talks were unfruitful they laid down the groundwork for future discussion and were seen as a better option than the resumption of hostilities. In September George invited de Valera to a conference in London in October to settle the issue which de Valera promptly accepted. Immediately preparations began both in Dublin and in London.”

 

“The Dublin goal was to have Ireland recognised by Britain as an independent, sovereign island state and for the British to renounce all claims over Ireland. Dev did honey this stiffener a little by proposing that Ireland could have a form of external association with the British Empire.”

 

“Slowly, slowly catch a monkey.”

 

“Well, maybe but the British were adamant that the best that was on offer was a limited form of home rule for twenty-six of the Irish counties, and dominion status within the empire and further and when it came to defence and matters fiscal there would be no autonomy.”

 

A shout of, “Get yer hands out of our pockets.”

 

“Remember now Northern Ireland was already established under the Government of Ireland Act 1920 and had a separate parliament with limited powers and a defined land border. The British were hoping to establish parliaments north and south which would be answerable to a British-appointed viceroy but this plan was already fucked by the sweeping election which led to the formation of the first Dail which although not recognised by the British, would not touch the British proposal with a barge pole.”

 

“There were nods and winks given by the British side that the Boundary Commission could be redrawn and could lead to a united Ireland...”

 

Laughter as people began nodding and winking at one another.

 

“Well the nodding was that within the six counties there were substantial Catholic minorities....actually the Unionists refused a nine-county Ulster because of the overall size of the Catholic population in Donegal, Monaghan and Cavan which proves the whole thing was a sectarian set-up from day one. But to get back these Catholic minorities might need the boundary to be redrawn and so the winking was that the Northern state would become unviable and the state could be forced into a united Ireland within the limited form of home rule.”

 

“Dev picked the delegates announcing that he wouldn’t go himself although Collins pleaded with him to Dev was adamant....”

 

Unruly shouts, many calling Dev a big, long cowardly fuck, emanated from the body of the pub. Bates waved his arms and shouted: “Shurrup youse fucks I’ll deal with that point later but remember that Cathal Brugha who was then minister for defence and Austin Stack the minister for home affairs wanted no truck with the talks on the basis offered. Actually, Brugha said that he would rather go down fighting which he eventually did. So Griffith, minister for foreign affairs and Collins led the delegation. Robert Barton a farmer from Wicklow aged 40 and an ally of Dev. Another Dev ally was George Gavin Duffy. He had defended Roger Casement. The liaison officer was Eamon Duggan who was a veteran of the Rising. John Chatres, a civil servant was one of the secretaries who was close to Griffith and Erskine Childers who was a first cousin of Barton. Childers was born in England. He was the author of a successful spy thriller The Riddle of the Sands and as we all know he arrived in Howth in a yacht with his American wife Molly and a consignment of German rifles for the Irish Volunteers.”

 

Shouts of: “Up the Rah.”

 

“Dev considered Childers, who was not trusted by Collins and detested by Griffith, a constitutional genius,” continued Bates. “And now for the point about Dev. On his insistence, the Irish delegates were appointed as plenipotentiaries by the Irish Dail but then at the final cabinet meeting he handed Griffith a scribbled pencil note instructing that they make no decision without prior sanction of the cabinet.”

 

“Sure that’s a fucking contradiction,” Long scoffed.

 

“There’s a number of explanations I think.” Bates took a swill of drink.

 

“One might be that he has a mind like yours,” O’Neill laughed.

 

“Well, he might have felt that if they got in over their heads they could always fall back on the cabinet and himself.”

 

“Very charitable Ernie,” Long sneered.

 

“Well to me no other explanation makes much sense. So the main Irish delegation consisting of twenty-five people which included six women secretaries, one of whom later became friendly with my mother, and a cook sailed out in early October. They were followed some days later by Collins and his entourage. Now, remember they were up against some very nasty and cunning fuckers on the British side who were all died-in-the-wool Unionists and had a chip on their shoulders about Irish rebels. These were specialists who would have your trousers while you were singing the national anthem...”

 

“They’d mill yeh for a penny,” said Davis.

 

“They sure would,” agreed Bates. “Remember these had only concluded the Versailles Treaty in which they starved a million Germans to death after the truce of 1918 to get them into the right mood and then they left the country so fucked up that it helped to bring about WW11. There was Austen Chamberlain, leader of the house. He was a well-known opponent of Irish autonomy. The one and only Winston Churchill then secretary of state for the colonies and already on his way to becoming one of the world’s great war criminals. His oulfella was Randolph a staunch supporter of the Ulster cause. If that was not bad enough also on the list was the secretary of state for Ireland Hamar Greenwood a Black and Tan hugger. Collins had sworn he would never shake his hand. The Earl of Birkenhead who in 1916 when he was attorney-general fought for and succeeded in getting a death sentence for Roger Casement.”

 

“That’s a genuine rogues gallery,” said Casey. 

 

“And they had intelligence reports done on the Irish delegates. For instance, they said of Gavin Duffy that he was a Catholic, vein and self-sufficient and likes the sound of his own voice. Of Barton, it said that he was a Protestant who was educated at Rugby and Christchurch, a substantial farmer with no outstanding quality. It said that Duggan was a Catholic and was completely under the influence of Collins. Arthur Griffith was a Catholic, more intelligent than de Valera, will start somewhere around AD 1100 and argue for the right of every nation to be independent. While not attractive he is the real power in Sinn Fein.  Michael Collins minister of finance was the strongest personality of the party, a Corkman and full of physical energy a quick thinker, impetuous and rather excitable. The dossier deduced that the delegates would be very nervous and ill at ease in overcoming their nervousness and maybe a bit rude and extravagant in speech.” Bates looked over the audience. As someone shouted “Fucking poxbottles and jockey’s ponces!”

 

 “Sounds quite accurate to me,” retorted Bates. “Anyway Welsh Georgie was still pregnant with mischief and he placed the delegates on opposite sides of the conference table before introducing them. Collins quickly summed up the British side and wrote in his notes that he disliked Lloyd George, distrusted Churchill and loathed Greenwood. He thought that Birkenhead was concise, clearness of idea...a good man. Not so sure if Roger Casement would hold with that. The weeks passed and Griffith and Collins became the main negotiators. At day’s end, Griffith was inclined to go to the theatre or play chess in the delegate’s rented quarters in Hans Place. Collins usually took himself off to the quarters which Lady Hazel Lavery provided for him in Cadogan Gardens.”

 

“Mick could always impress the ladies,” remarked Edwards.

 

“Lloyd Georgie boy was now up his hole with the worry of the Conservative party conference coming on and he was doing more nodding and winking with Griffith to impress upon him not to let the talks break down on the question of Ulster and hinting about the Boundary Commission.”

 

“Seems to have been up Griffith’s hole as well,” piped up someone near the door.

“The Irish delegates returned to Dublin on December 3rd. They were not a bunch of happy campers. And either was the Cabinet,” Bates shook his head and finished his pint.

 

“Put on another pint,” Marsh ordered, “sure with all that learned talk the man’s throat must be like an incinerator.”

 

“That’s an apt word Tommy for Brugha almost fucking exploded, accusing Griffith and Collins of betraying the Irish position, when he learned that Ireland was only to be granted dominion status with the position of Northern Ireland remaining fixed. There could be some bollicky concessions made on defence. In the heated debate that followed Brugha said that the document, if signed, would split Ireland from top to bottom. The Cabinet refused to sign the document and sent the delegation back to negotiate further. And what’s very important they had instructions that any final treaty had to be referred back to the Cabinet for approval before signing.”

 

A murmur of voices agreeing that such a decision was sensible.

 

“A split was now emerging in the Cabinet and also in the delegates on their return to London and during the weeks of negotiations Lloyd George was enticing Griffith...”

 

“God forgive me but if that Welsh fucker was still alive I’d wish everlasting vomit on him,” declared Moore.

 

“Thanks Peggy. Passed unanimously and could I add that if he had a tail I’d wish it would grow up his arse and fucking choke him. But lets not get side-tracked like some of the delegation,” continued Bates. “So on December 4th after discussion, the Irish counterproposals were put on the table suggesting some kind of external association with the empire. These were rejected because already Georgie had secured a personal commitment from Griffith that he would not break on the issue of Ireland’s inclusion in the British Empire.”

 

Angry shouts of “Turncoat and Traitor.”

 

Marsh and Casey restored order. “Shut it pal.”

 

“Not quite because to be fair to Griffith remember Georgie was palavering him with the idea that he would be able to put pressure on Craig the Northern Ireland Prime Minister to come in under an all-Ireland parliament and Griffith himself was adamant that he would only accept association with the crown on that condition. Of course, Georgie must have known that he had no guarantee of Craig agreeing to this as Northern Ireland had already been confirmed as a separate legislative entity. And while all this fucking wrangling was going on nobody seemed to have had their attention on the economics and the Brits slipped in a clause that transferred part of the national debt of the UK onto the Irish state which went completely undisputed!”

 

Gasps of disbelief. “Talk about three card trick merchants.”

 

“On December 4th Childers began drawing up proposals based on the Irish Cabinet position. Collins and Duggan refused to go to Downing Street with them which emphasised the split that was deepening. When Barton and Duffy said that they would go alone Griffith agreed to join them. These counterproposals included concessions one of which recognised the King of Great Britain as Head of the Associated States of the British Commonwealth. The proposals were dismissed not surprisingly as the British were now aware of friction in the Irish camp. The British walked out giving the impression that the talks were over.”

 

The audience were now shouting over one another. “The Irish should have come home then.”  “Collins should have kicked Lloyd George in the bollocks.” “Churchill was only a wanker.”

 

“On the morning of December 5th Georgie asked Collins to meet him alone in Downing Street. He held out the Boundary Commission as a solution to partition as he had previously with Griffith and Collins later in his note to his colleagues said ‘we would save Tyrone, Fermanagh and parts of Derry, Armagh and Down.”

 

“A fella ‘ed believe that would believe in the tooth fairy,” a northern voice shouted.

 

“At the meeting later that day in Downing Street and much to the surprise of the other Irish delegates Welsh Georgie reminded Griffith of his promise not to break on Ulster which Griffith confirmed. Using his legal skills Birkenhead was then called upon to deliver a formula of words for the oath that would be favourable to both sides. On defence Churchill reluctantly agreed that we would be allowed to construct naval vessels to protect our fisheries.”

 

“We could build fucking aircraft carriers,” a voice scoffed.

 

“Then the Brits produced a memorandum which stated that if the six counties of Northern Ireland did not agree to come in under an all-Ireland parliament, the British would proceed to create such a parliament but allow Northern Ireland to opt out of it, in which case there would be a Boundary Commission. Griffith then agreed that Ulster could be excluded from the discussion before dropping his bombshell that he would personally sign the Articles of Agreement. Of this fatal intervention in the negotiations, history Dorothy Macardle wrote:- ‘That indeed was the moment of Lloyd George’s triumph. Arthur Griffith’s lifelong loyalty to Ireland, his loyalty to his government, to his colleagues, to his mission and to his Republican oath, had given way before loyalty to a promise, made as part of a tactical manoeuvre, to Lloyd George. It could hardly have happened if Griffith had not in his own mind been satisfied with the prospect of an all-Ireland within the Empire, under the crown.’”

 

Bates leaned down on the shoulders of Marsh as he got down from the chair. “Gotta have a piss,” he shouted, “back in a sec. Tommy, will you find Martin and ask him to pick up me briefcase I left in his house the other night? There’s some papers in it that will be needed soon.”

 

He was clapped on the back by many hands as he made his way to the toilets. “Fucking great story Ernie.”  “Yeah, more body, more substance than hearing about Alfie Jones giving the out-of-order barman on Baggot Street a whack of his hatchet.” “I agree, sure no street is safe now. Baggot street you say?”

 

“So now,” said Bates returning to the chair, “with Griffith offside Georgie fixed on the other delegates with a different tone. He pointed out that the British Army garrisoned in Ireland were on high alert. He wanted an agreement that night from the Irish delegates or there would be immediate and terrible war. He produced two envelopes. And just like a three-card trick man, he said that one contained letters to Craig saying that a deal had been reached and the other that it was war in three days as talks had broken down. Yis know, he was going to walk to North Wales and swim to Belfast with the letter with his body covered in Kerry butter,” he laughed.

 

A murmur of uncomplimentary remarks rippled around the pub. The Irish delegation left Downing Street for Hans Place agreeing to return with a final decision at 10 pm. The final British draft reached the delegation at 9 pm.

 

“Collins was now convinced that the Boundary Commission would make Northern Ireland unworkable and he had the secret backing of the IRB for his position. The IRB then was not like the IRB now which is a fucked up handful of people who spend their time splitting and unsplitting. So Collins said he was prepared to sign and Duggan did likewise. Barton and Duffy resisted the entreaties of Griffith and Collins before Barton gave in. Duffy believed that the threat of all-out war was a bluff but after the others had agreed to sign he felt he could not take the responsibility for fucking up the whole thing when in reality the whole business was already fucked up. They returned to Downing Street at 11 pm saying that they would sign.”

 

“What about contacting the Cabinet in Dublin?” asked Byrne.

 

Bates laughed. “They didn’t bother their bollicks and now that they had agreed to sign even the sombre Brits were overpowered with a sense of relief and while the  Downing Street secretaries were hammering away on the typewriters both delegations laughed and joked until, that is, the Articles were ready for the names.  And the Articles of Agreement were signed in 10 Downing Street at 2.15 am on Tuesday, December 6th 1921 by both the British delegation and the divided Irish delegation.”

 

“If they hadn’t signed???” some people asked.

 

“Well militarily the British obviously had the upper hand but politically...the Irish had a lot of support in the US and in the world in general. They had spent months negotiating in good faith and in the end, the British simply pulled the plug and said ‘sign this or get blown away’. They could have let this be known to the public. The other thing to remember is that since 1919 they had held out against the British war machine and the very fact that the British offered a truce proves how successful the IRA guerrilla war was. What is fairly certain is that the longer a War of Independence continued the more difficult, politically, it would become for the British Empire. And remember by 1921 the Sinn Fein movement was running an alternative state with its own tax and court system completely independent of the ruling British state. I know one thing.....the Cabinet in Dublin would have rejected it, threat of war or not.”

 

Bates got down off the chair as Marsh handed him his stuffed briefcase. He rummaged in it, his spectacles on his forehead. He gave a satisfied grunt as he removed a slim yellow folder. After a mouthful of Guinness, he stood back up on the chair and signalled with one hand for quiet. The hubbub eased.

 

“If yis want I’ll read out what they signed for?”

 

“Read it out there Ernie yeh bollix.”

 

“How could I refuse that request? Well, 1 of the Articles of Agreement between Great Britain and Ireland says...Ireland shall have the same constitutional status in the Community of Nations known as the British Empire as the Dominion of Canada, the Commonwealth of Australia, the Dominion of New Zealand, and the Union of South Africa with a Parliament having powers to make laws for the peace order and good government of Ireland and an Executive responsible to that Parliament, and shall be styled and known as the Irish Free State.

 

2 Subject to the provisions hereinafter set out the position of the Irish Free State in relation to the fucking Imperial Parliament and Government and otherwise shall be that of the Imperial Parliament and Government and otherwise shall be that of the Dominion of Canada, and the law, practice and constitutional usage governing the relationship of the Crown or the representative of the crown and of the Imperial Parliament to the Dominion of Canada shall govern their relationship to the Irish Free State. What a load of cobblers,” muttered Bates to a bemused gathering.

 

“There’s more, number 3 the representative of the Crown in Ireland shall be appointed in like manner as the Governor-General of Canada and in accordance with the practice observed in the making of such appointments. Number 4. The oath is to be taken by Members of the Parliament of the Irish Free State shall be in the following form:- I.....do solemnly swear true faith and allegiance to the Constitution of the Irish Free State as by law established and that I will be faithful to his Majesty King George V his heirs and successors by law, in virtue of the common citizenship of Ireland with Great Britain and her adherence to and membership of the group of nations forming the British Commonwealth of Nations. Yis see the way they use all this gobbledegook to make what is a shakedown, a rip off of the Irish people look like something that’s respectable and noble and take note of number 5 which says...The Irish Free State shall assume liability for the service of the Public Debt of the United Kingdom as existing at the date hereof and towards the payment of war pensions as existing at the date in such proportion as may be fair and equitable, having regard to any just claims on the part of Ireland by way of set-off or counter-claim, the amount of such sums being determined in default of agreement by the arbitration of one or more independence persons being citizens of the British Empire.” Bates gave his head a quick scratch and then lit a cigarette.

 

“Unbelievable,” said Davis who headed for the toilets. “They’d have yer braces while yeh were having a shit.”

 

“They wanted us to chip in for pensions for the fellows who joined the British Army, not the IRA mind, who went over to kill Germans on behalf of the British Empire, Germans who gave us guns for the ’16 Rising,” said Bates. “Number 6 goes until an arrangement has been made between the British and Irish Governments whereby the Irish Free State undertakes her own coastal defence, the defence by sea of Great Britain and Ireland shall be undertaken by His Majesty’s Imperial Forces. But this shall not prevent the construction or maintenance by the Government of the Irish Free State of such vessels as are necessary for the protection of the Revenue or the Fisheries. The foregoing provisions of this Article shall be reviewed at a Conference of Representatives of the British and Irish Governments to be held at the expiration of five years from the date hereof with a view to the undertaking by Ireland of a share in her own coastal defences. The bollocksology is never-ending. Number 7 wanks on The Government of the Irish Free State shall afford to His Majesty’s Imperial Forces:- (a) In time of peace such harbour and other facilities as are indicated in the Annex.....hereto, or such other facilities as may from time to time be agreed between the British Government and harbour and other facilities as the British Government may require for the purposes of such defence as aforesaid. And number 8 pukes on about a view to securing the observance of the principle of international limitation of armaments, if the Government of the Irish Free State establishes a military defence force, the establishment thereof shall not exceed in size such proportion of the military establishments in Great Britain as that which the population of Ireland bears to the population of Great Britain.”

 

“We were free with our hands tied behind our backs,” McMahon observed.

 

“Number 9,” Bates spat out.  “The ports of Great Britain and the Irish Free State shall be freely open to the ships of the country on payment of customary port and other duties. Number 10 says that the Government of the Irish Free State agrees to pay fair compensation on terms not less favourable than those accorded by the Act of 1920 to judges, officials, members of Police Forces and other Public Servants who are discharged by it or who retire in consequence of the change of government effected in pursuance hereof. Now,” Bates asked, “listen to the next bit. It says as regards the compensation.....Provided that this agreement shall not apply to members of the Auxiliary Police Force or to persons recruited in Great Britain for the Royal Irish Constabulary during the two years next preceding the date hereof. The Irish Government will assume responsibility for such compensation or pensions as may be payable to any of these excepted persons.”

 

“This would drive anyone to drink,” said the ‘firm’ Byrne as he ordered a brandy.

 

“And it bladders on about the ports and remember all this by a bunch of fucks that were never invited in here. You can say that Strongbow was invited in by MacMurrough of the Horn,” (cheers from the body of the pub) but these were the buddies of Raleigh and his gang who was trying out genocide during the Munster Plantation while his saccharine shite laden Spenser was drooling out cheap rhymesters about how beautiful his pox-ridden whores were and their buddies who later tried out another Starvation that they called a famine and presented as such by the Poppy hugging jockstrap Blueshirts in the Dail.”

 

“That beats the fucking Barney Ernie,” a woman yelled.

 

“And then something about who we could listen to. A Convention shall be made between the same Governments for the regulation of Civil Communication by Air. That fucking it or all I have of it,” said Bates as he gingerly came down off the chair with the help of Marsh.

 

“They didn’t want us to hear that the Bolshies in Russia were knocking the bollocks out of  Churchill’s White armies Ernie.” said Greenslade.

 

Davis was shocked. “Well, I never really realised it was that bad.”

 

“It was a deft hand alright,” said Redican.

 

Outside on Amiens Street, the growing chatter suggested an approaching gathering of people. Not quite an angry mob but people who were in an excited state as if they had just heard that the price of the pint had been halved. The talk got louder. What could be described as a kerfuffle of sorts occurred outside the door before a bunch of people pushed their way inside.

 

“Holy fuck!” declared Marsh as he recognised Arthur Griffith, Eamon de Valera and Michael Collins among the bunch of new customers. A number of people shouted to the locals “A hand, a hand for Arthur,” before he was hoisted up onto the counter. He unruffled his jacket and stretched his neck to the left and then to his right side in his stiff white shirt collar reminding O’Donnell of how Mike Tyson, the boxer used to do neck stretches while he prowled the ring before the introductions.

 

“Am I to understand, Sir, that that document we discussed at the Private Session is to be withheld from the Irish people?” asked Griffith staring down at de Valera.

“No. But I don't want to have the debate interfered with, the direct debate on the Treaty, by a discussion on a secondary document put forward for a certain purpose in Private Session. That document will be put forward in its proper place,” replied Dev from the floor of the pub.

“I want to know is the document we discussed as an alternative to be withheld from the Irish people, or is it to be published in the Press for the people to see?”

“I put forward the document for a distinct purpose to see whether we could get a unanimous proposition by this House. That has not been achieved. I am going to put forward the proposal myself definitely to this House as my own proposition which I stand for. That was for a different purpose,” explained Dev.

“What the fuck are they gasbagging about?” said Marsh to Redican,”

“Must be what they call Document No 2 the Dev compromise.”

“This is going to get hot,” said Redican.

“Once the chairs start flying I’m giving it to monarchist Griffith,” Marsh promised. “I’ll stuff his head into the republican toilet bowl down there.”

“We cannot have a discussion on this at this point. The only matter that arises is that the President's request as read out by me has been expressed to the House. We must now proceed with the orders of the day,” ordered the house Speaker

“A Ceann Chomhairle, I submit I am here to move this. Are my hands to be tied by this document being withheld after we were discussing it for two days?” Griffith complained.

“I wish to say that when the document was given to me it was distinctly stated it was confidential, and I have treated it as such,” said Madam Markievicz.

“I have something confidential for her,” Edwards muttered.

“Have a bit of respect,” demanded Moore.

1have no objection to the document going anywhere, except this, that I wanted this House, if possible, to have a united policy. I was prepared to stand on a certain document. It would cease to be of value unless it was a document that would command practically the unanimous approval of the assembly. It was given to the assembly distinctly on that understanding to get objections to it. I intend proposing what I want to stand on as my own proposition before the Irish people. That was not my proposal definitely; it was a paper put in in order to elicit views. I am ready to put my proposition in its proper place, both before this assembly and before the Irish nation. I have asked it to be treated as confidential because there are other documents necessary to explain its genesis.

Unless you want all the confidential documents of the whole conference proceedings published, then I hold you cannot publish that,” said Dev.

“I as a public representative cannot consent, if I am in a minority of one, in withholding from the Irish people my knowledge of what the alternative is. We have to deal with this matter in the full light of our own responsibility to our people, and I cannot in my public statement refrain from telling the Irish people what certain alternatives are.”

 

“It is not proposed to withhold either that document or any documents from the Irish people, if this House wishes it, in its proper place, but I hold it is running across the course of the debate to introduce now for the public a document which has been discussed in Private Session. It means that the Private Session might as well not have been held.”

 

“I wish the members to understand that this is not a matter of the Chair's ruling that this document is confidential. It is simply a matter of a request made by the President and communicated by me to the Dáil, through the ordinary courtesy of procedure, as the President's desire. I do not make any ruling on it, but any discussion on it is out of order. Lets proceed now with the orders of the day.

 

MR. GRIFFITH (MINISTER FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS):

It is not a question of courtesy; it is not a question of the rules of procedure; it is a question of the lives and fortunes of the people of Ireland. While I shall so far as I can respect President de Valera's wish, I am not going to hide from the Irish people what the alternative is that is proposed. I move the motion standing in my name—

"That Dáil Eireann approves of the Treaty between Great Britain and Ireland, signed in London on December 6th, 1921."